The Heart Of The Matter

LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GUY

Sorry, I just had to get this out right away. "Where did you find a picture of such an adorable dog?" you ask. Find? Pssh. That's Ollie; he hangs out at my job sometimes. He's my (Australian!) boss's dog and he's small and adorable and look at him jesus christ how do you not love him and just pet him forever. If you put your arms in a hoop shape he'll jump through them! I am not even fucking kidding.

SPOILERS AHEAD.

Okay.

I finished The Heart of the Matter^[1] last night. My last post sort of had a bit of a (shitty) plot summary through the first Book (of three). Now that I've finished the rest of it, though:

All Of This Shit Happens In The Book And I'm Now Paraphrasing It

I was actually shocked at how quickly the plot picked up. The first bit was pretty repetitive -- Scobie works and is racist, Louise nags, Wilson pines, Yusef smells bad^[2] -- but then shit hits the fan in a big way.

So Scobie^[3] takes a loan from Yusef so he can send Louise to South Africa. A whole slew of people arrive in West Africa after a shipwreck and living in lifeboats for 40 days. One of them is a woman named Helen; she lost her husband in the wreck -- as in, he's dead, not misplaced -- and she's holding a book of stamps when she gets on shore. For whatever reason^[4] she reminds Scobie of youth and exuberance (she's 19, I think, so that sort of works out) so he falls for her right off the bat.

Helen and Scobie start banging each other^[5] in the African heat. It's sweaty. Around this point I should mention that Scobie and Louise (and a ton of other people) are Catholic.^[6] Scobie's committing the sin of adultery every time he cheats on his wife with Helen. Helen is an atheist who actually mocks Scobie for his beliefs. Helen (rightfully) explains that if Scobie stopped believing in Hell he wouldn't have to worry about going there. Scobie retorts that though he knows he's damning himself, he's gonna keep on loving her.^[7]

Right so Scobie's doing his thang^[8] and Wilson totally finds out. Wilson spends most of the book's second half stalking Scobie and writing down his every move. Soon after this, Helen comes home from her trip, ostensibly because she "was being silly" and "missed Scobie."^[9]

Scobie's screwed. Whenever he sees Helen, he's thinking about the eternity of torment he's getting himself into, but he can't stop doin' tha nasty.^[10] Louise pressures him to take Communion with her.

Interpolation

How Is This Not Cannibalism? -- On Communion^[11]

Holy Communion, aka the Eucharist, is a Christian ritual based on Jesus's instructions to his disciples at the Last Supper. He gave them bread and wine:

‘This is my body, which is for you: this do in remembrance of me.’

In like manner also the cup, after supper, saying, ‘This cup is the new covenant in my blood: this do, as often as ye drink it, in remembrance of me.’

Christians, at a point in the Mass, will receive a bit of wafer (Jesus's body) and wine (his blood) in commemoration of this event. Roman Catholics believe that the bread and wine supplied are literally the body and blood of Christ.^[12]

End Interpolation

Why is it a Thing^[13] for Scobie to take Communion? Well, before one can receive Jesus's body and blood, he must be free of sin. To be free of sin, ya gotta go to Confession, where you tell a priest every seedy thing you've done since your last Confession. He tells you to say a varying amount of prayers and -- just like that -- the Big Guy Upstairs decides to not throw you into a lake of fire. Simple. Scobie goes to Confession but he can't bring himself to truly repent for his adultery; the Father behind the curtain denies him absolution in accordance with Church doctrine. (This, admittedly, makes sense: if you're not actually sorry, you're not being forgiven.)

To please Louise, Scobie goes to Mass and receives the Sacrament. This is a huge fucking deal because God doesn't like being ingested by sinners. It's a mortal sin -- Scobie's going to Hell now. No turning back. He's damned forever. This bothers Scobie,^[14] but it doesn't bother him as much as all the suffering he's causing Louise and Helen. He only sees one way out.

Scobie decides to throw himself on the mercy of God and kill himself. In Catholicism, this, too, is a mortal sin -- as bad as murder. Life is sacred.^[15] He pretends to have sleep problems (to get a prescription for sleeping pills) and angina (a deadly disease, making a death plausible). He'll overdose on the sleep meds and die and those he's hurt will have peace.

Scobie had to choose between two options: (A) divorce Louise -- bad Catholic! -- and live with his (alleged, fleeting) love, Helen or (B) Leave Helen -- hurting her -- and stay with Louise (whom he does not love). He Wild Cards it instead, taking himself out of the equation entirely. He dies thinking he'll go to Hell.

Louise is revealed to have known about the affair; Wilson starts making moves on her the day Scobie's buried, which she doesn't reject especially strongly. He says that he'll wind up marrying her, to which she replies, "Maybe you will."^[16] Helen moves on to a new man immediately.^[17]

The End.






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[1] I've linked that stupid Wikipedia article like four times now, just in case you keep forgetting general information about the novel. The things I do for you.
[2] Greene was pretty intent on really driving this point home.
[3] You're gonna want to read my last post (linked above, you lazy person) because I'm not explaining who these people are again. MY BLOG MY RULES.
[4] Oh, Ian! Your attention to detail is simply too much.
[5] My parents and family read this -- hi, guys.
[6] I should have mentioned it a while ago, actually. The Heart of the Matter is often identified as a "Catholic Novel," which means it's designed to guilt you into suppressing women's rights.^[*]
[7] Dude this song takes so long to get to the chorus.
[8] Gross. My b.
[9] Nope: someone wrote to her about her husband's hanging around Helen.
[10] Listen I have no regrets about my crass language so we should just move on.
[11] Alternative titles include: We're All Okay With This? and LITERALLY?
[12] Bread and wine, then the priest performs a magic trick,^[*][+] then Body and Blood.
[13] Capital T denotes the severity of the struggle.
[14] Lake of fire for the rest of forever, bro.
[15] Early on in the book, a man commits suicide. A priest on the scene openly hopes he had been murdered instead -- he longs for the man's earthly suffering (and possible betrayal) in exchange for his not being damned by the Lord (who, again, is all-loving).
[16] This is a weird moment.
[17] This doesn't fit with the rest of Helen's character; she constantly pledges her love for Scobie. I wouldn't have expected her to mourn forever -- he's dead, after all -- but she picks up a new guy within a day of Scobie's death.



[*] Zing!
[+] Sorry; is "casts a spell" better?

The AC Of The Matter

I finished Book One of The Heart Of The Matter on Friday, so I'm a bit less than halfway done. It's really good; despite feeling like a Book I Read In High School,^[1] the plot is really interesting.^[2] Plus the main character is named Major Scobie, which reminds me of the ol' childhood mystery cartoon.

"I will never deny knowing a man from whom I've borrowed money," lol

Plot Summary Time!

Believe it or not my (shallow, ridiculous) Psychic Synopsis of this book was actually more accurate than not.^[3] It's set in a British colony in West Africa during World War II. Okay, that's actually the only thing I was sort of right about. This setting is important to me because HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS it was so hot this week. I'd sit in my stupid room upstairs,^[4] reading a book where the main characters are constantly sweating and waiting for "the rains," dying. I bought a window air conditioner yesterday^[5] but I cut my finger setting it up.^[6] Every day is a struggle.

So far, the book is mostly about Major Scobie living a pretty terrible life working as a police officer in the colony. He doesn't love his wife, Louise, but he's got this drastic sense of duty to her and wants to make her happy. I don't care for Louise.^[7] Louise bemoans her not having any friends^[8] fairly constantly, even after meeting Wilson, an overly-nice fat man who shares her love of poetry.

Wilson mistakes Louise's friendship for love; he kisses her in some sort of shelter in a rain storm (!!!) and she's oddly cavalier about rejecting him after he does it a second time. Louise has (not unreasonably) been asking Scobie to leave West Africa; when Scobie gets passed over for a promotion to Commissioner, she steps her begging up a notch. Scobie takes a loan from Yusef, a Syrian,^[9] so that she can go on a boat to South Africa. She leaves and Scobie's pretty okay with it.

I'll admit that this synopsis is kind of weak. Normally I would have waited to finish the book, but I hadn't written anything in a while and I hate to leave my fans waiting.^[10] Here's a fun video. Are we cool?

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[1] This isn't necessarily a slam / burn / zinger. It just means that the book has an air about it of Having Something To Say, which -- in an academic context -- is one of the least appealing things a work of literature can possibly have. If I read this novel and had to discuss its symbolism or themes in any concrete way, I'd hate it. Since it's summer time and I do what I want, though -- wheeeee.
[2] This is especially important for a book with a style that doesn't really suit my tastes. This is kind of an extension of FN[1]: the plot of this book is so cool and the characters are so interesting that it overcomes what I see as a dry, dated form.
[3] This is not true. There are, thus far, no elves.
[4] "Live on the third floor," they said. "It won't be too hot," they said.
[5] Shout out to J. for driving me around and generally being really great. Big fan.
[6] Did you know that the backs of window AC units are made of razors?
[7] Largely because she's a complainer -- this is ironic, as I frequently complain and moan about something as minor as a finger cut.^[*]
[8] Not even books.
[9] There's a ton of casual racism in this novel. I know it was just How The Times Were, but seriously, the "Greatest Generation" was (and is -- dammit, grandpa) ultra-bigoted.
[10] Someone please love me.




[*] No but seriously you guys someone needs to investigate why there's like a ton of barbed wire on the backs of AC cabinets this is not okay.

Psychic Synopses

I finished up Consider The Lobster earlier today. I can't think of anything to write about it; the essays were wonderful and hilarious and you should read the book. I'd say "Up, Simba"^[1] and "Consider The Lobster"^[2] were my favorites. In lieu of spoilers (not that I can spoil topical essays without plots), I'll just give it a hearty recommendation^[3] because I really liked it. Okay moving on now wheeeeeeeeeee

I picked up two more books a few days ago that aren't on the Kindle Store (fucking bullshit, I know -- I didn't pay all this money for an Ego Tablet to not be able to read everything I want immediately all the time): The Heart Of The Matter^[4] by Graham Greene and A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Genius^[5] by Dave Eggers. I'm gonna do Heart first and then dive right into Genius.

But before that, I'm going to predict the plots of these books based entirely on their front and back covers.

Oh No The Back Covers Don't Have Any Plot Information

The Heart Of The Matter

Our protagonist, Toni,^[6] is a native of a Caribbean island invaded by British troops during some sort of war that may or may not be fictional. The war, brutal on its unfortunate pawns yet empowering for its hawkish orchestrators, illuminates the struggle inherent within man whilst stifling -- okay I can't do this anymore MAYBE THERE WILL BE ELVES

I REALLY WANT THERE TO BE ELVES IN THIS BOOK

NOT NECESSARILY LIKE LEGOLAS BUT DEFINITELY IN THAT VEIN

Also talking clouds? Talking clouds are in like zero things. What the hell, collective creative consciousness? Are you telling me I just had an idea that literally zero^[7] people have had before? I didn't even have to think about it. Shit, name one of them Nimbus. You're welcome.

A Heartbreaking Work .  . .

In the interest of full disclosure I have to say that I sort of know the general idea behind Genius. Dave's parents get cancer and die and he's got to take care of his brother. Something like that -- maybe his brother isn't of an age where he needs to be taken care of. Maybe all of us always need to be taken care of. Maybe . . .

FAAARRTTSSSSSSS

No but really I'm pumped to read both of these books in spite of these totally dickish "summaries." I've heard nothing but good things about Eggers^[8] and MVP is just Da Best and I trust her implicitly.

Plus they'll have plots -- definitely at least Heart -- so if nothing else you'll all get to read me making an ass of myself some more.







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[1] Written for Rolling Stone, "Up, Simba" is about the week (I think) DFW spent on the John McCain 2000 campaign. His analysis of Young Voters and how a population's apathy towards the democratic process can be used by a campaign to its advantage is really interesting. It's also written in a style I can only describe as "rapid," with some sentences running longer than a page.^* You can pick up just this essay, weirdly enough -- it is over 60 pages^* long -- on Amazon or read it on a shadily-illegitimate pdf-scanning website. Google it, click on the second one, and TELL NO ONE I SENT YOU.
[2] Written for Gourmet Magazine, this one's about the Maine Lobster Festival but it also delves into the morality of boiling a living animal. It's not too heavy-handed, either: his case is more objective and ends on a skeptical note. Again, it is also very funny. It's even available on Gourmet's website! Free! Read it!
[3] Completely unrelated but also something I heavily recommend: Frank Ocean's new album, Channel Orange, was released today. That link there will play the whole thing through -- give it some of your time. "Sweet Life" is an early favorite.
[4] Via the lovely MVP.
[5] Mind-reading recommendation from SB.
[6] My friend MS and I once tried to write a novel modeled after -- stolen from -- Toni Morrison and the jury's still out on whether it was (A) racist or (B) oddly transcendent. We finished roughly two-thirds of the first page.
[7] Zero people have worked talking clouds into books, at least. It's worth noting that I've read every book in the history of ever and speak from high authority.
[8] From CP, SB, JL; Klosterman said he re-defined the memoir genre.



[*] Is a Kindle page the same as a normal page? I don't think so. They feel shorter, but that obviously isn't an objective measurement. (Also yes I did just put a footnote in a footnote do you want to say it to my face.)