FGOT: Chapter 2

Our story continues. Chapter One.

Chapter 2: The (Sex) Rules Of The (Sex) Game

"Who's there?" Bella inquired inquisitively. The voice behind her had no clear source, though it was deep and sultry, not unlike those of the lanky, oddly-shaped Casanovas of the Pale Coast. Bella had never been, but she was well-acquainted with tales of their gawky limbs and too-large heads; on paper, the gangly Romeos were very unappealing, but -- in person -- they proved irresistable. No one knows why. They were good writers, maybe.

"My name is Thaddeus Percevus Maximus Aurelias," resonated the dark figure. "You may call me Thad."

As Thad stepped into the light before her, Bella was struck by his mass: Thaddeus was some sort of giant-man, standing over eight feet tall. His center of gravity lay low on his frame on account of his massive gut -- Thad was a mountain raised on meat and mead. He brandished with him an axe, wood splinters still hanging onto the blade like Phil the mail-boy's flesh hung from the dragon's sharp teeth. His face was like a kindergartener's farts: bashful, yet excited.

"Bella," Thad intoned, "Your uncle's passing has set into motion a Game the scale of which no man understands."

"How do you know who I am?" Bella asked, exposition be damned.

"Your uncle," Thad said, "was my brother." Thad looked at the ground momentarily before continuing on. "Well, half-brother. You see, my father was a Giant; one of the Mammoth herders up North. He loved your uncle A-Weema-Weh's mother very much and she bore him a child.

"Our noble-ist society demands that its rulers have 'pure' bloodlines. I, the illegitimate son, was cast aside and never mentioned. I was always a metaphorical elephant in the room; as I grew, the comparison became more apt."

Bella realized then how all children should be loved equally.

"Regardless of my origins, Bella," Thad boomed, "I must bring you back to Northern Westernshire. You are needed."

"Am I its new ruler?" Bella asked.

"Oh, gods no," Thad laughed. "Patriarchy, babe. We need to get you married to whoever takes over."

Though she was upset with Edward -- surely glistening with his stupid vampire brethren in some tepid lake somewhere, all shiny in just the right way to excite adolescent female readers -- Bella was not keen on marriage. She was young and wanted to do a bit more dating and traveling before settling down. Her uncle's untimely death by bear claws was a shock to her, but she had not maintained a close relationship with him; it was only a glancing blow. This, though -- this shattering of her (admittedly abstract) future plans -- was unforgivable. She began to feel a mild revolt against the men in power in her society; the rumblings of feminism bubbled in her belly.

"Why must I be married?"

"Listen. No. No. Your uncle's death has started a Game --"

"-- I don't want to be married!"

"CAN YOU JUST LET ME FUCKING EXPLAIN THIS TO YOU FOR ONE SECOND?"

". . ."

"Thank you. Your uncle's death has started a Game, a Game unlike any other. The throne stands vacant, and North Westernshire is one of the most powerful kingdoms in all of Skyrim Qu'arzkl. Many will try to reign over it, though only one will win. Though I admit it is an unfair, patriarchal, sexist practice, you must be awarded as a bride for the victor. I know it's wrong. I know. Please, let's just get walking."

Bella and Thad walked. They walked out of the forest -- they'd been in a forest this whole time -- and through various fields. The fields were green, lush, and sexual; two people were having sex with one another in the fields. Their bodies writhed with raw, exhibitionist pleasure, quivering after what was like a dozen orgasms. It was hot.

"What kind of place is this?" Bella asked Thad after they had put some distance between themselves and the cavorting nudes.

"These are trying, sexy times, Bella," Thad replied. "What with the dragons flying around, eating everyone, parents are hard-pressed to have large families."

Indeed, it was a given that several children in each town in Qu'arzkl would fall to the flying, fire-breathing beasts. Their hunger insatiable, the dragons swoop from their ever-unseen perches to feed on any incapable of escaping their jaws. The elderly, children, people banging each other in fields; all fall prey to the massive flame-lizards. You would think people would take to the relative safety of their homes for love-making, but the danger only served to make it sexier. Sex.

"Where did the dragons come from?" Bella asked.

"No one knows," Thad sighed, stepping over yet another couple gettin' all up in it on the soft grass. "No one knows."